The time Jeremy saved a duckling from a sentient raincoat
By Dan Leicht
Have you ever heard the story about the time Jeremy saved a duckling from a sentient raincoat? Of course you have, it was all over the news in 2004, but for those wishing to relive the majesty of the moment here it is again:
It was a dreary Tuesday when the golden child of Harvey’s Hardware clocked out, at 3:30pm, and headed to his hovercraft. The leopard print-glitter infused grip around the steering wheel made the driving experience all the more emotional as he began his venture home. Songs from the mid-to-late 30’s filled the hovercraft’s interior while handfuls of popcorn and a mysterious green substance were consumed by a rattlesnake in the back seat.
Jeremy was feeling uneasy during this trip however and thought to himself, “Gosh, I could sure use a ginger ale.” In order to quench this unbearable thirst for life he rolled into a drive-thru to place his request to the robotic sign wearing lipstick. On his way to the window to pay for his latest dream he heard a faint quacking. He turned down the radio and stuck his head out the window; his ears quivered as the noise carried on. With his craft in a stationary hover he got out and followed the noise.
It wasn’t until he walked behind the blue and cashmere dumpster that he found the cause for such distress. A duckling was waddling about, exuding panic beyond that of a flower, with a sentient raincoat fit for a small child giving chase. Perplexed, perhaps even befuddled, Jeremy looked upon the events before him with a peculiar look on his face, the type of look you’d expect from a platypus after having knee surgery.
“What’s going on?” he questioned.
“I am trying to save this duckling from the rain,” replied the sentient raincoat.
“But there is no rain today.”
“That is not true. For there is rain every day, we just can’t always see it,” the sentient raincoat assured.
“Is that some kind of corny allegory for life?”
“Dude, I don’t know what life even is. I’m a raincoat.”
Confident that he’d still be able to drink a ginger ale, care for a duckling and hang a raincoat in a closet he invited both of them to his hovering transport.
“Two oh five,” the cashier said.
Jeremy looked at her and then back to his new friends. With tears beginning to swell he replied, “Here’s three dollars. Keep the change.”
©Dan Leicht 2017