The time Jeremy ran into a burning building to save a lobster
By Dan Leicht
It was no ordinary Wednesday evening when Jeremy found himself standing in front of a lawn chair store. The weather was nipping at his nose, turning it red, perhaps even a bit shiny. He was enamored with the relaxing lawn chairs on display in the window. “I’d sit right there and eat a hotdog,” he said aloud to no one because he was alone outside wearing sandals with socks on in thirty degree weather.
In his mind, the world of imagination his pediatrician warned him about, he was picturing a world where he could sit back in the chair and crack open a refreshing bottle of ranch dressing. He’d be enjoying the sun as trolls stopped passersby (since he lives next to a bridge), all from the comfort of a brand new duck-print lawn chair with detachable cup holder and attached headrest.
“Stop drooling on the window,” warned the manager as he stepped out from the establishment to lock the door. “You should try actually coming in one of these days and sit in the chair to give it a try.”
“Someday,” Jeremy replied, his fingers caressing the glass as the shopkeeper rolled his eyes and walked away. On his way back home Jeremy took his usual route, which lead him right past the old abandoned flammable liquids factory. There was a sign next to the factory that read, in big red letters, “HOT STUFF IN HERE, KNOW WHAT I’M SAYING?”. He knew, he knew all too well. The building had been closed for years now and every time he passed by he thought about that fateful night.
[That fateful night] Jeremy was walking home from the lawn chair store after ogling a brand new chair with leopard print covering the mesh seat with detachable pog holder. He was flipping his favorite pog like a detective would do in a noir movie when he smelled something funny. It wasn’t ha-ha funny, but more of an omg-what-is-that funny. Instead of turning his head to look at what might be causing the smell he turned his entire body and noticed the flammable liquids factory was on fire. People were running out of the building clutching their staplers and favorite paperclips.
“He’s…” one of the workers cried. “He’s still in there!” Without taking the time to find out who exactly was still in there Jeremy removed his sandals and ran into the building. He shouted as he searched through the highly flammable rooms, past the highly flammable conveyor belts, even while standing and waiting in the highly flammable elevator, but there was no one to be found, until….
“Save me!” cried a peculiar voice. The voice sounded like an automatic can-opener trying to open a jar of peanut butter with a plastic lid. Jeremy looked down at his feet and noticed the source, a bright red lobster with a glimmer in each eye. He knelt down to pick up the creature. Holding it tightly in one arm like a football he burst through the second floor window just in time as the building exploded behind him. Thus, saving the lobster and having a cool story to tell his neighbors.
Dan Leicht 2017©