Charles Splints – Case #48 – By Dan Leicht / @Deeliopunk

Case #48 – By Dan Leicht (featuring @CharlesSplints)

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I can hear them talking you know. They think they’re so slick with their slang, think it’s helping them conceal what’s really being said. Sooner or later, my luck probably sooner, one of them is going to come barging through my door demanding I help him because he has the biggest wad of presidents. It’s their fight, not mine. If the janitor wants to argue with the landlord about what dictates an actual paycheck that’s his problem. Landlord around here doesn’t do anything but rob me anyway, hell, i’d be on the janitor’s side in a heartbeat if I hadn’t busted him in a case a few years ago for theft. He stole an Oscar from the mantle of someone i’ve already forgotten. Benjamin? No idea. He payed well, really all that matters in a profession like mine. They walk into my office, tell me their troubles, but instead of asking them how much they’re mothers loved them when they were children I get up and fix the issue, though my fees are pretty low in comparison to the alternative. 

“I do everything around here! I should be getting payed to be a plumber, electrician, handy-man, and your goddamn butler!”

That was the janitor. He’s pretty important around here according to him. I’ve never seen him do any of those other things, but then again i’m not much of a looker either. Maybe he just thinks it best to stay away. Neither of them have knocked on my door yet, so I assume that means i’m safe from being put on duty, not saying i’d take the job, but sometimes it’s just nice when they ask.

The price he’s demanding seems a bit high for a janitor of a rundown apartment building, but if he really is a plumber then maybe it sounds too low, I don’t know the specifics of that profession. All I know is there’s a grumpy turtle that has a thing for kidnapping, also something to do with mushrooms, seems like a nice gig.

I don’t complain much about my own gig. It satisfies the urges, puts me in my place when I deserve it. As long as the coffee pot is full and steaming there isn’t much I can say. It’s a bit drafty in this apartment, but it’s not a big deal, I hear the janitor is busy anyway.


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Posted on 5-13-15

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